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1. Coaching environment
Coach’s instruction: Pick a place where you can work undisturbed.
Coach’s comment: It is important that you have a chance to do some reflection in a quiet and uninterrupted environment.
2. What is happening?
Coach’s question: Step back and look from a distance at what is happening in your life right now. Write down the situations, opportunities, or issues, that need your attention.
Coach’s comment: As you write these, be aware if any one of stands out as wanting your attention now.
You can always repeat this coaching process on any of the other areas you noted.
3. Pick your topic
Coach’s question: From what you wrote, pick a topic or project you would like to focus on now, during this coaching conversation.
Coach’s comment: Make sure the situation you select is one which would progress would be gratifying to you.
4. Main components.
Coach’s question: What/who are the main components of this situation? Also include how you are feeling about what is happening.
Coach’s comment: This is a chance to understand the whole picture of the current situation as it is and to accept it without judgment. Take a moment to reflect on the connections between these components. Example: My house: Current house too small to start a family; I have a small inheritance; Not feeling this is a safe place to raise a family; My wife is wanting to move. Feeling: somewhat worried.
5. Anything else?
Coach’s question: Does anything else come to mind about the current situation?
Coach’s comment: Sometimes a moment’s additional reflection reveals an aspect of the situation that you were previously unaware of or had forgotten. Example: We’re in a buyer’s market. A larger house will have larger expenses. My job is stable. It would be nice to live nearer our best friends.
6. What stands out?
Coach’s question: Review your answers to the last two questions.
What stands out?
Coach’s comment: Usually, what stands out in your attention is what is most interesting or important to you, providing insight and focus.
7. What do you want?
Coach’s question: In relation to this situation, picture and note your desired outcomes.
Coach’s comment: Getting as clear as possible picture of your desired outcomes naturally clarifies and strengthens your motivation.
Example: I am settled in a house that we can afford, in a safe neighborhood, near our friends, that we can decorate to our liking.
OMIT Questton ” Describe the specific conditions of ……”
8. Your summary goal statement
Coach’s question: Read back through the answers to the last two questions and summarize what you have written as a single goal in one sentence or phrase.
Coach’s comment: Your summary goal statement will not contain all the details of what you want. Your sentence or phrase should be simple and call forth your enthusiasm. Example: “We are happily settled into our new home.”
9 Underlying desire
Coach’s question: Attempt to feel the desire that this goal is derived from. Give it a name and reflect on whether it is based on your true convictions and values. Is this a desire you really want to fulfill|? On a scale of one to ten how important to you is to satisfy this desire?
Coach’s comment: Desire fuels the movement towards completion of your goal and is a measure of the obstacles you will be able to overcome. Keeping touch with it will give you the energy to succeed.
Coach’s question: What underlying purpose will be served by achieving your goal.
Coach’s comment: Your purpose could be said to be the answer to the the question “why are you pursuing this goal?” Remembering your purpose fuels motivation and keeps your goal clear. Example. A safe, enjoyable family life.
11. What might be difficult?
Coach’s question: What are the external obstacles you may face.
Coach’s comment: Example: Ignorance of the current market place. Limited financial resources. Etc.
12. Inner obstacles
Coach’s question: What internal obstacles might interfere with your progress?
Coach’s question: Example: fear of change, fear of failure, doubt I can work out a reasonable solution with my wife.
Inner Game Tool # 1: The 3 Control Questions
13. Control Question #1
Coach’s question: Which parts of these potential difficulties do you not control?
Coach’s comment: Being aware of what you don’t control brings humility and wisdom.
14. Control Question #2
Coach’s question: What am I presently trying to control?
Coach’s comment: Notice whether these are things you don’t actually have control over.
15. Control Question # 3
Coach’s question: What could you control that you are not presently controlling?
Coach’s comment: Controlling what you can control is the beginning of effective strategy.
These 3 questions asked in sequence can be used in reducing self interference and lead to more effective use of your capabilities.
16. Acknowledge your resources
Coach’s question: What are the strengths that you can bring to this journey?
Coach’s comment: A good way to grow any particular strength is to simply acknowledge it in action. You can measure on a scale of 1-10 the presence of any given strength several times a day. Awareness itself will grow the strength. Example: Conscious and purposeful.
17. Remember the feeling
Coach’s question: Remember a time when you felt you were at your best.
See if you can recapture that feeling. Describe it in a few words.
Coach’s comment: Remembering how you felt when at your best can help put you an optimal state, Self 2, to continue this conversation.
Coach’s question: Note the important milestones along the way to achieving your goal.
Coach’s comment: Milestones are the important sub goals that you will achieve along the way to your desired outcomes. Where possible note these in sequence and as if they were already completed. Example: 1. I have envisioned the kind of house I want. 2. I have explored the available houses for sale. 3. I have explored possible financing. Etc.
19. Brainstorming #1
Coach’s question: Pick your first milestone and brainstorm several ways how to accomplish this objective.
Coach’s comment: This is the first of four questions focused on strategy Let answers come without doubt or censorship. Even if you doubt they would work, they could contribute to your ultimate strategy for success. Note the answer that seems most promising to you.
20. Brainstorming #2
Coach’s question: Pick your most challenging milestone and brainstorm several ways to accomplish this objective. Note the answer that seems most promising to you.
Coach’s comment: “Dig” for the simplest and boldest answers.
21. If you already knew?
Coach’s question: If you already knew how to accomplish your goal, what would it be?
Coach’s comment: Let your answer to this question come from your intuition and common sense about what would work. Example: Ask my wife take the lead to explore possibilities with a good realtor. Decide together once options are narrowed.
Coach’s question: Considering your last three answers form a simple strategy you will use to reach your goal.
Coach’s comment: Let your strategy be elegant and workable so that it can inform action. If needed, you can use these same questions to come to a strategy for any other milestone(s)
At this point you may want to consider other questions you would like to ask yourself.
Example: (Build an effective team with my wife and an expert realtor)
23. Reflections before commitment
Coach’s question: Before you commit to any course of action, review your answers to all the questions.
What is the single thing that you could do to make the biggest difference?
Coach’s comment: Develop mutual respect and teamwork with my wife.
Coach’s question: This is the time to decide whether you are going to put in the time, effort, and resources to complete this project. Yes ( ) Not yet ( )
Coach’s comment: It can be helpful in making this choice to consider both the benefits of success as well as the costs not pursuing this goal.
Coach’s question: What are the next actions that you will take? Give a time when each will be done.
Coach’s comment: While performing actions, remember your underlying purpose.
Coach’s question: Who would be the most helpful to support you in this project?
Coach’s comment: You may include communication with this person in your action step. Example: my friend who knows a good realtor and just bought a house.
Coach’s question: What benefits have you derived from engaging with these questions so far? Would you like to continue the coaching conversation after you have had a chance to complete your first action steps?
Coach’s comment: Session #2 will focus on debriefing what you’ve learned and preparing you for your next period of activity.
28. And finally….
Coach’s question: Imagine the successful completion of this project. What do you find most gratifying?
Coach’s comment: Example: My wife and I are celebrating a renewed relationship in our newly furnished home.
Coach: Looking forward to Session # 2.